3 a.m.

I made it past the 3 a.m. wake up. For the last few weeks I had been waking around 3 in the morning trying to reach out to him, with no luck. For the past few weeks I have played on my couch curled up in a ball sobbing and holding my chest because it hurt too much. I hurt to much to be ignored by him. Not knowing what was going on and only assuming the very worst. I made it past all that today. It’s sad that I am always fine when he is in jail.

He got tired of my harping on him about his drinking so he abandoned us two months ago, we didn’t break up he just removed himself from our home and started living over an hour away. Drinking to his hearts content. In that two months he decided he wanted to marry me but the last month he changed his mind and wouldn’t even tell he loves me. I still don’t know what I did wrong.

But oh how different it is now that he is in jail. He remembers that I am the only one he truly has now that he is there and is back to telling me that he loves me. Funny how that works. Everyone wants to spend time with him and talk to him when he is out and drinking but no one wants to spend time with him when he is sober or helping him out when he has thrown up all over himself. Just me. No letters from those so called best friends that are like family. But he will get out and forget that I was there and they were not.

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