So I did it. I sent the letter. I spent all week writing letters to him and throwing them away. I finally just sent one. Contents of said letter? I let him know that he has been unfair to me with his behavior, not telling me he loved me, withholding communication, laying about us being broken up, having me lie to everyone about why he was gone. It was unfair of him to do that and then even more unfair to start loving me again once he realized he has no one else because he is in jail. I also let him know that that he needs to figure things out on what he is going to do once released, and that there are certain things that if he chooses I am done.
My heart was racing as I dropped that letter in the mailbox. It needed to be done though. My mental health has to come first if I am going to be any good for my daughters.
I am going to see him today and I am sure we will have our normal this is what has been going on conversation based largely around what Monkey has been doing. And again I am the only one going up there, his family is not having it. They stopped going the last time, so it really is just me.
This was me yesterday. I can already see a difference in my appearance, not to mention how I feel. I actually wanted to get out of my pajamas and do my hair and add a bit of color to my face. I have started working out as well and wow do I feel good.