It’s been a over a year. I haven’t wrote on here because I didn’t want him to find it. He wouldn’t understand.
So much has happened since. He got, and lost, 3 jobs. Drinking was more important. We lost our home in November, my fault because I put his wants before my responsibilities. In February my sister and her family was in a very bad apartment fire, she was 6 months pregnant. Two months later everyone is okay still healing but all at home. In March we lost the other place we were staying at through no fault of our own. We had been staying at separate places because we couldn’t find a place for the four of us. Through all of this I was being harassed by his mother and trying my best to just stay strong.
In November he also proposed. It was completely spontaneous. He cried, I laughed. I never thought it would happen.
Well here we are, not even 48 hours after I decided I have had enough. Enough of the lies, enough of never feeling good enough, enough of never being the only one. I am just done.
I haven’t really cried yet. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. I did get a little teary when I dropped him off for the last time and told him I wasn’t doing this because I don’t love him, because I do love him. But that’s all the emotion I have shown.
I am angry. Angry with him for being perfectly fine at the end of a 5 year relationship. Angry with him for moving on so fast, don’t know why I am surprised he had other females while we were together. Mostly, I am angry with myself. For caring so much, so holding on for so long, for not letting go many times before. I am angry with myself for letting him take so much of me away from me. I let this happen to me and I am angry at myself for that.
I hope I don’t cry, lord knows I have cried enough over this man.
So here it is, Day 2 of the end, my beginning.