Confusion 

It’s been over a week since I decided that I was worth more than what he gave me. 

Over a week. 

I am more confused every day. 

How do I stop loving soneone that didn’t treat me like I was important to him? How do I stop? 

This past week there has been ups and downs regarding him. Lately it has been ups. 

I’m trying to figure out what game he is playing with me. He has been everything I had always wanted him to be. Attentive and caring. Communicates, that’s a big one. 

The last thing he said to me last night is that I am an important person to him. Okay, how so? 

Am I important because you care? Or is it just because I am the mother of your child? 

He has told me he loves me and compliments me when ever he gets the chance. 

Everything that was lacking is now there. 

What game is he playing? Is he trying g to just keep me holding on to hope so no one else has the opportunity to gain my unfailing love? Or has he realized that I do have a breaking point and he needs to step up before he loses me for good? 

It’s all so difficult to decipher. 

I’m not going to make any rush decisions, I have don’t that before and it always leads back to the same thing. My heart and mind need serious healing time before I will be able to think things through clearly. As. Much as I want to believe he cares, I just can’t. I want to believe he cares, but I can’t. 

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A week later

So he’s been out and home for over a week and a half and things are as predicted.  Things with is are so far good but he did just spend the past 4 days drunk.  One of those days he  left and I knew he wasn’t going to be back before I went to work. I had to call in and I don’t have enough many call in days left.  He does this to punish me but doesn’t think about how it affects the rest of the family (including him).  I’m just taking it all one day at a time. But things are good(ish) for now.

Release Day

He gets out on Wednesday.  I have to say I am excited that he is coming home.  I was experiencing high anxiety but after a long talk at  our visit yesterday the anxiety is gone.  I told him so much of how I want things to be and how I don’t want them to be.  He agreed with all of it.  Now I know it may not last but at least for now we are on the same page. 

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Happy.