Little Contact 

I was able to finally break down this week. The only problem it started right before work and I couldn’t stop. 

It helped that we only talked 3 times. I have no way of contacting him so it’s him making the contact. Of course it’s to ask for something but he’s making contact. I’m not holding my breath anymore on him actually showing me he cares. I get it he just needs to keep me holding on just enough so I will continue to do things for him. He also has this he doesn’t want me but he doesn’t want anyone else to have me mentality. 

It can’t work this way. 

Now that we are no longer together he managed to get a job. But not just any job, one that pays under the table so there goes child support… I just want help paying for day care. 

I have moved past angry to perpetual sadness. 

He hasn’t asked about his daughter all week, he is fine not having us in his life, he will end up happy and I will continue to struggle. I cared with every fiber of my being he cared for convenience. 

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Confusion 

It’s been over a week since I decided that I was worth more than what he gave me. 

Over a week. 

I am more confused every day. 

How do I stop loving soneone that didn’t treat me like I was important to him? How do I stop? 

This past week there has been ups and downs regarding him. Lately it has been ups. 

I’m trying to figure out what game he is playing with me. He has been everything I had always wanted him to be. Attentive and caring. Communicates, that’s a big one. 

The last thing he said to me last night is that I am an important person to him. Okay, how so? 

Am I important because you care? Or is it just because I am the mother of your child? 

He has told me he loves me and compliments me when ever he gets the chance. 

Everything that was lacking is now there. 

What game is he playing? Is he trying g to just keep me holding on to hope so no one else has the opportunity to gain my unfailing love? Or has he realized that I do have a breaking point and he needs to step up before he loses me for good? 

It’s all so difficult to decipher. 

I’m not going to make any rush decisions, I have don’t that before and it always leads back to the same thing. My heart and mind need serious healing time before I will be able to think things through clearly. As. Much as I want to believe he cares, I just can’t. I want to believe he cares, but I can’t.